Final Destination Final Fantasy VII Styles!
by Siuan Sanche
Summary: My little work of art - well, I got bored. Don't hate me. You know the movie Final Destination, that we all love, this is the Final Fantasy VII version of it.
1. Red's Vision

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Destination or Final Fantasy VII in any way. You've probably heard it all before.  
  
If you are offended by the events of this fic then it is your problem and not mine. It'd be your own fault for reading it. I love Final Fantasy VII just as much as the rest of you, but this is what happens when you get bored.  
  
It was a fine day in the land of...Earth I think. Cloud and the others were all enjoying a nice afternoon at Costa de Sol for no reason whatsoever. Maybe they were bored, or maybe, Tifa had dragged them there, because she was whining all day about desperately needing a tan for some odd reason, but anyway, there they all were, having the time of their lives. Tifa, Aeris and Yuffie were happily sunbathing, and discussing the good and bad points about Cloud, while Cloud, Barret, Sephiroth and Cid were playing a rather competitive game of volleyball, and Red XIII under a sun umbrella with a large supply of water, desperately trying to keep his nose damp, whilst 'socialising' with Cait Sith and Vincent. The sunbathers were having fun talking, Barret kept getting hit in the face with the volleyball; he was getting rather pissed off, while the sun unbrella people were having a boring afternoon off.  
  
Red was trying to converse with Reeve through Cait Sith when all off a sudden Cait Sith stopped going! A very bored Vincent had flipped his power to the off switch. When Red descovered that Vincent instantly switched him on again amd after that Red had to explain what the Hell had just happened.   
  
Suddenly the volleyball hit Barret in the nose and he started cursing and Sephiroth got annoyed and walked off, only to return with cold beers a couple of minutes later.  
  
A few minutes later Vincent and Reeve engaged in a very interesting conversation about the Shinra's history, and what life was like when Vincent was a Turk. Red was getting bored again and he thought he had dozed off again until there was a huge roaring noise, and the ground started shaking. The Shin-Ra Mako-transport ship had crashed into the wharf. Half a minute passed then it exploded, and that explosion caused a chain reaction of explosions with anything explodable nearby. It caught onto the Costa de Sol Sea Plane which also exploded, and peices flew everywhere. Everyone on the beach was too busy watching the explosions of the 'fireworks' show to even think about attempting to escape, when suddenly a peice of the Sea Plane flew down and hit Tifa. Her body was smashed to peices in a few instants. After that, the plane's propellor came spinning down and decapitated Barret. People by now were running around screaming. Everyone started to panic and their first instincts were to get out of town and catch the Highwind. Sephiroth was running when he tripped over a log and his head smashed on a large sharp rock, and to top it off a large chunk of...something...came flying down and sandwiched him underneath it. Cait Sith began to totally freak out, and Reeve stated he had his hand stuck in a coffee machine, and then Red was able to hear Reeve's screams but then he went silent. The Moogle no longer moved at all. Cloud was trying to walk swiftly for the exit, when he saw something flying through the sky towards Aeris, so he sprinted over to where she was and made an attempt to kick it away just as it landed but his foot got sawn off, then a larger chunk came down on him and killed him. Yuffie was running round trying to pick up all the Materia people had dropped everywhere, when suddenly she bumped into someone who instantly seized her to use as a human body shield. They both died instantly. Turns out that person was Vincent. When Cid saw the others all dead, he cursed but in the process his cigarette fell out of his mouth. He was going to return to get it when Aeris came along and said: "Let it go, man," so he did. That was rare. But because Aeris stopped to say that a huge peice of glass plane windscreen came and killed them. If Aeris hadn't stopped Cid they'd both be alive right now. Well Cid survived long enough to see Aeris' body get ripped to shreds, just before his. Red XIII was the only one to safely make it off of the beach, and so he made for the exit, which, surprisingly enough, was blocked as well. Yay. A helicopter exploded right above where Red was standing and it fell, crushing him immediately. No one in the town survived the explosion in any way.   
  
Red XIII snapped back into reality to find Vincent and Reeve droning on about something.  
  
Still shocked from his dream, Red started trying to converse with Reeve through Cait Sith when all off a sudden Cait Sith stopped going! A very bored Vincent had flipped his power to the off switch.  
  
"Vincent," said Red XIII, "will you STOP doing that?!"  
  
"Stop doing what?" Vincent asked innocently.  
  
"Stop switching Cait Sith on and off!"  
  
"But...it's the first time I've ever done it!" Vincent replied.  
  
"Umm, NO it ISN'T! You did it once just before!"  
  
"No I didn't! What are you on?"  
  
"Just a sec..." said Red. He was shocked to see that all of a sudden Barret got hit in the nose with the volleyball, and started yelling obscenities for a minute, and Sephiroth got annoyed, and walked off.  
  
"Oh GOD no!" said Red.  
  
"Huh?" Vincent was confused, "what are you on about?"  
  
"In a minute Sephiroth will return with beer."  
  
And he did.  
  
"Red, are you some sort of fucking psychic or something?" asked Vincent. Reeve was shocked also.  
  
"No, I just fell asleep before and dreamed that everything that just happened actually happened. The only thing is, if we don't get out of here we are all going to die."  
  
"In other words, you're a psychic."  
  
"Listen, this is no joke. We have got to leave Costa de Sol now! Vincent, you go and tell the girls, Cait, go and tell the volleyballers. Don't explain what is going on. Just leave. Meet me at the Corel path."  
  
"Okay, we believe you."  
  
"Just go!"  
  
Red XIII ran towards the approaching ship in order to divert it with a Materia spell, but he was a bit too late. In the distance he could hear Cait Sith announcing what was about to happen, but twisted it a bit explaining that the ship sent them a message saying it couldn't stop, and the town almost emptied, except those who did not believe him. They died.  
  
"Whew!" Cloud gasped, "that was TOO close! How did you know that was gonna happen Red?"  
  
"He's psychic," stated Vincent.  
  
"I AM NOT!" said Red XIII, "I just got a vision about what was going to happen and it happened!" he was getting annoyed at this rate.  
  
"In other words, you're psychic," said Vincent.  
  
"Prove it," said Red XIII.  
  
"Uhhh...the evidence speaks for itself..." said Cid, "anyways, let's head for the Highwind. We'll discuss this later."  
  
They all decided to stop off at Gold Saucer for the night because it was the closest. Mainly to ease off stress, and also to discuss what had just happened. Red XIII expained everything, had to yet again deny being a psychic, and then they all went to their rooms, which were as follows: [Cloud, Red XIII, Sephiroth] [Cid, Vincent, Barret] [Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie] [Cait Sith just deactivated for the night in Cloud's room, and Reeve did his own business back at Shin-Ra.  
  
The girls all decided to go out on a late night walk, and they headed for the Chocobo races area.  
  
Watching the Chocobo races, they soon got bored, then tired.   
  
"*Yawn* I'm tired now, I'm going to bed. See you in the morning," said a very tired Tifa.  
  
"Okay, good night Tifa," said Yuffie.  
  
"Yeah, good night," added Aeris.  
  
Yuffie and Aeris decided to head for event square. A show was going on right then so they decided to watch, but the actors were so lame that it got boring.  
  
"I'm going to bed now too. Good night Yuffie."  
  
"G'night," Yuffie wondered what to do now. In the end she headed for Speed Square, where the virtual reality shooter game was. That'd be fun enough.  
  
Yuffie purchased a ticked and hopped in. She was actually very skilled at this game and managed to get in the overall high scores, at 3rd place. She decided that was enough for the night and went to leave. Odd, no staff about...  
  
Suddenly the players behind her weren't able to stop their vehicle and it crashed into hers'. Lucky she was out already. She screamed but went to see if the people were alright.  
  
What Yuffie didn't notice was that there was a huge oil leak on the ground and she slipped over into it and hit her head on the rail. She was fairly dazed for a minute, and then she came to. She was about to get up but then the carriage exploded and swiftly hit the oil. Yuffie was burned alive.  
  
Tifa and Aeris were already asleep so they weren't up to worry about the fact that Yuffie still hadn't returned to the hotel room.  
  
Only when the morning came and the entire crew were up, that they noticed that Yuffie was missing.  
  
They all came to the conclusion that Yuffie had gotten up early and went somewhere, but they were still worrying about it. Not for the fact that Yuffie was missing, but for the poor random person who probably had their materia stolen, so they all split up and went to find her.  
  
It was Cloud and Vincent who ended up in speed square and found the smashed up game which was now labelled 'out of order', and they spotted one of the Gold Saucer staff cleaning up nearby.  
  
"Excuse me," said Cloud, "But what has happened here?"  
  
"There was a crash here last night. A couple of people playing the game here died and a teenage girl who looked as if she was waiting in line. Burned alive she was."  
  
Cloud went pale.  
  
"I think that was her, don't you?" asked Vincent. Cloud nodded slowly.  
  
They all met up in Gold Saucer station and Cloud told them the story.  
  
"So she has returned to the planet, then?" asked Aeris. Cloud yet again went with the slow nod.  
  
Everyone was silent for the next few minutes.  
  
"Hey, guys?" Barret was afraid to speak but did anyway, "Don't you think it is really sad, that we all managed to escape dying yesterday, and then Yuffie went and died?"  
  
Everyone remained silent for another few minutes.  
  
"Okay, let's not think about this no more," said Cid, "Hell, we don't even know for sure if she's fucking dead yet! Let's at least go see the Gold Saucer medical place first!"  
  
Everyone remained silent but then they went to the Artifact collection where Dio normally hung out, asked him for the medical place, and he took them there.  
  
The medical staff didn't want anyone to see the dead bodies for the sake of privacy but Dio insisted, and they were let through.  
  
It was confirmed; Yuffie was dead.  
  
Later, on the Highwind...  
  
"Okay guys, listen up! It was extremely odd to see Yuffie go cark it on us like that, but these things do happen. But do not fear, knowing her she'll probably come back, seeing as Aeris and Sephy here both managed to themselves. Anyway, we should all be more cautious about what we do from now on." Cid concluded his little speech. "Any votes on where to go next?"  
  
"How about," said Cloud "Nibelheim?"  
  
*********  
  
That my friends (or enemies or whatever), is the end of chapter one. I was totally bored and, well, yeah. 


	2. Target Highwind

"That was fucking odd," said Cid, "No AVALANCHE member would ever die that easily!"  
  
"This is YUFFIE we're talkin' about here!" said Barret, "and you're sayin' no-one dies that easily? Whatever."  
  
"Well don't look at me!" said Sephiroth, "I was in the hotel room with Cloud and Red or whatever. I forgot."  
  
"I'm just saying that this is no mere coincidence," said Cid, "but then again, she could've been plotting something. A Materia raid?"  
  
"Don't say that!" Tifa said angrily, "Yuffie is our friend! Well, was, anyway. But that's no kind of thing to say when someone just died anyway!"  
  
"I'm just outlining all the possibilities here, Tifa. For all we know she could've been just buying us all huge presents or someth-"  
  
"Cid!"  
  
It was raining at Nibelheim, and they were all staying at Tifa's place, which everyone found rather boring.   
  
They spent hours playing card games and watching Barret and Cid arguing over the remote, when suddenly the rain started to pour twice as hard as it already had. When the water started seeping underneath the door they grabbed some old sandbags ***(Don't ask me why there was sandbags in Tifa's house)*** and started covering up the door. It worked pretty well.  
  
All that night everyone could barely sleep, because there was a constant creaking noise.  
  
"All right, will somebody PLEASE check that out?" Tifa finally said.   
  
"Who votes Cloud does it?" asked Sephiroth, "all in favour say 'I'."  
  
Everyone said 'I', including Cloud, who later wondered WHY he said it, but then Cait Sith did some thinking.  
  
"Ya know what? I'll do it. Even if there's a monster or something up there, I can't die."  
  
And that's how Cait Sith ended up going up the stairs, into Tifa's room and closing her window.  
  
The relief was enormous, and Cait Sith got to tease the others for being such wimps.  
  
And they all got a good night's sleep. Well, sort of...  
  
"Bats, no, BATS!"  
  
"What the Hell?" said Barret.  
  
"Cid, look out!" screeched Red.  
  
"Red, there's nothing here," said Tifa, "wake up."  
  
And Red did wake up.  
  
"Cid, you've gotta look out for bats, okay?"  
  
"What the Hell are you talking about?" asked Cid.  
  
"I think... you're in trouble. Just stay away from bats for a while."  
  
"Too easy," said Cid.  
  
"Look, Red, there's a special place we can take you. I know some people that can help you with this sort of problem," said Sephiroth jokingly.  
  
"You should've taken a trip there 5 years ago then!" said Red XIII.  
  
"Huh? Who told you about that?" asked Sephiroth, a few seconds later, realising and glaring at Cloud.  
  
"Well," said Tifa, walking towards the door, "might as well go outside and get some fresh air then."  
  
"Good idea," said Red XIII, following.  
  
They pulled all of the heavy, damp sandbags off of the front door and heaved them all into a corner, and Tifa opened the door.  
  
"WHOA!" somebody yelled as a tidal wave of dirty water flooded into the room. They were up to their knees in it. Next thing, a small black figure flew into the room.  
  
"Hey, look," said Cloud, "It's a bat."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Cid screeched and next thing, he was already in the Highwind waiting to take off.  
  
A few minutes later everybody else arrived.  
  
"Cid, there's something I have to tell you," said Red XIII.  
  
"Not now, we need to take off immediately."  
  
"Then's let's make for Cosmo Canyon then!" said Red, "I think I need to speak with Grandpa."  
  
"Okay," said Cid, "Here, I'm leaving you in charge," he said to one of the trainee pilots, "I got some thinking to do."  
  
Cid headed for the operation room.  
  
"Bats," Cid said to himself, "How could some harmless creatures like that want to kill me? What did I ever do to them, huh? Uhhh...besides the ones in Shin-Ra Mansion, of course, ... no, wait, that's it!"  
  
"Are you talking to yourself, Cid?" Tifa asked as she stepped into the room.  
  
"Yeah, I just came up with something," Cid replied.  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"The only bats we could ever say we hurt are in Shin-Ra Mansion, right?"  
  
"Yeah, but what does that have to do with-"  
  
"Well," Cid interrupted, afraid he might forget his ingenious but simple plan, "stay away from Shin-Ra Mansion!"  
  
If this were an Anime scene Tifa would've fallen over and sweatdropped.  
  
"They'll be out for revenge right, but they can't get too far, so, stay away from Nibelheim and they can't eat me!"  
  
"What the heck..."  
  
"Don't worry, it's completely foolproof!" said Cid staring out the window, when a black figure flew past. "AAH!"  
  
"Cid, it was just a bird," said Tifa reassuringly.  
  
"But how can you be so sure?" asked Cid suspiciously, whilst hiding behind a chair.  
  
"It was like, this big!" said Tifa, stretching out her arms in the oppisite direction of each other. Just then, Sephiroth walked in.  
  
"Sorry I scared you, Cid, I heard you screaming like a girl, I just decided to go for a quick fly. It is so boring here!" He sat on a chair, swivelled round, propped him feet up on the large table, and relaxed with his hands behind his head, acting as if he owned the place.  
  
"Well, I'm in a better mood now!" said Cid as Red XIII walked in. "I'm gonna go find a soccer ball now, who's up for a game?"  
  
"Cid...-" said Red.  
  
"Great! Red XIII is in! I'll take it the rest of you are too!" said Cid happily, to Tifa and Sephiroth. Cid left the room.  
  
"I don't feel like it," said Tifa to the others.  
  
"I don't want to get up," said a comfortable Sephiroth.  
  
"I have a bad feeling about this," added Red.  
  
"Cid has a sports closet, you guys! He's got, like, everything!" said Cloud, who'd popped his head through the door, announced that, and headed for the deck with a golf club and some tennis balls.  
  
At the sports closet, Cid was very aggrovated. Since they were in the Highwind, Cid had taken extra care installing racks that held everything steadily as to not make a mess. Cloud was right about Cid having everything, which meant he needed a lot of space for it all. Therefore, all the balls were in their racks on the wall, along and up the other wall was a large stack of cricket, softball, and baseball bats, tennis racquets, you name it, he had it all there. There was also a ladder to reach the higher stuff.  
  
Cid had a golf club in his hand and was trying his hardest to knock a soccer ball down, as he had conveniently placed it very high up and he couldn't be bothered taking the ladder.  
  
"And to think - I placed my favourite game equipment so high! Fucking great move that was!"  
  
Red XIII was sprinting round the Highwind, searching for this 'sports closet'. Such a thing must've been to good to be true, he had thought, but he was wrong. He did not look where he was going around a corner and he crashed into an open door, which then slammed shut. Red and Tifa who had just also arrived could hear loud screams of pain, and huge clutters of sports equipment, as Cid had not realized what had just happened, turned around, and the golf club smahed into all that was in its path.  
  
Tifa opened the door quickly to see if Cid was alright. He was fine; just covered in a large heap of wooden baseball bats.  
  
"Tifa! Don't just stand there! Help get these fucking bats off of me! Huh...? Bats?"  
  
"Cid, that's what I was trying to tell you!" said Red XIII. But it was too late; there was a loud creaking from above, something rolled off a shelf, went straight through Cid's head, and smashed everything that was in it's path.  
  
Blood splattered everywhere; mainly all over Red and Tifa, but, everywhere. Tifa screamed in horror and disgust as she had to pull a large piece of Cid's brain out of her hair. They just stood there. Red started howling and Tifa bawling her eyes out, until everyone came to see what had happened. All Red XIII could say, was, "I told you so."  
  
"Awright! That's two AVALANCHE members' deaths, in two days! This is no mere coincidence!" Barret was furious. AVALANCHE members weren't expendable, if you count out Yuffie. Nah, just kidding. AVALANCHE members, and all of them, definitely weren't expendable.  
  
"Yes it is," said Cloud, not realising what was going on.  
  
"Ummm, like, no, it is not a coincidence."  
  
"I've got it!" said Cloud happily, "if you take out the first four and last four letters in coincidence, you spell Cid!"  
  
Everyone could not believe Cloud would say that at a time such as this.  
  
"Cloud," said Tifa, "we're discussing Cid and Yuffies' deaths here."  
  
"Ooh, oops, sorry."  
  
"Two down, eight of us left. Who will be next?" said Sephiroth in a mysterious voice.  
  
"I forgot you were here, Sephiroth," said Tifa, "why are you here, anyway?"  
  
Sephiroth shrugged his shoulders and said: "I dunno", like one of those bums who'd never been to school in their entire lives.  
  
"Okay, so Red, I was too shocked at the time. What was that thing that actually killed Cid?" Tifa asked.  
  
"Bats," replied Red, "baseball, bats."  
  
Everyone gasped, and/or gaped at Red.  
  
"It was a heavy metal one. No, Cloud, not the kind of music either."  
  
Cloud was alrady humming his favourite heavy metal tune.  
  
"So, you were right then, Red? About the bats, I mean. We should really get to Cosmo Canyon to see Bugenhagen," said Cloud, "oh no, wait, he's dead, I forgot."  
  
"WHAT?!" yelled Red, "What kind of a sick joke is that to play on us at a time like this?! Don't you realise, that all of our lives are probably in jeopardy here?! And all you can say is that our only source of useful information, my Grandpa, is DEAD?! You oug-"  
  
"Red-," Tifa interrupted, "Cloud's right. Bugenhagen...he's dead..."  
  
"Not you too, Tifa! You're under the evil influence of Cloud, who is under the evil influence, of Sephiroth, right?"  
  
"Actually, your grandfather IS dead," Sephiroth tried to advise him. Red clearly wasn't buying into the fact that Bugenhagen was dead, and had Cloud promise that he would not tell him right away, for obvious reasons such as this.  
  
"Okay, so, if I go ask Vincent, Cait Sith, Aeris or whoever, they're gonna say he's dead too?"  
  
"Yup," said Aeris.  
  
"Fine, just fine! Play this sick joke on me! I don't care! I'll speak to him myself when we get there!"  
  
"Uhh...we're not actually headed for there anymore...we're headed to...The Northern Crater. Seph and I had them change coarse as soon as you weren't in the room," said Cloud. Red made the smart move and didn't say anything. He just left the room. Later, any one of them could say they'd spotted Red XIII in the Chocobo room weeping his eyes out.  
  
*********  
  
That's chapter 2 for ya. If anyone out there is seeking revenge, save it for the reviews section, okay? I have no hatred against any of the Final Fantasy VII crew, I just wanted to write an original humorous story. Thanks for reading. If you liked it, review please, if you're pissed off, well, uhh...find your own way of seeking revenge anyways. 


	3. Chicken Pies These Days

And they did arrive at the Northern Crater, much to Red XIII's dismay.  
  
"I LOVE what you've done with the place, Seph!" Aeris complimented.  
  
"Didn't take long, just grabbed a few things here and there..."  
  
"Sephiroth! You haven't been raiding Midgar Ruins again have you?" Cloud asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well... y'know... of course I have! Why do you think I sicked a Meteor onto Midgar for? To kill everyone? No, to take their stuff!"  
  
"Sorry I asked...(PMS!)"  
  
Nearby on a large flashy looking sterio, Sephiroth's theme song was playing.  
  
"What the Hell...?" said Barret, looking at it, puzzled. "Heeey, you had this song playing full blast when we fought you here ages ago!"  
  
"...Yeah, I know. I just like the song, but the problem is, I just can't get it to turn off actually. I've tried changing the radio station, putting a different CD in, turning off the power and even unplugging it. I tell you, this thing won't turn off! I've even tried this Final Fantasy VII CD!"  
  
"...The Hell's Final Fantasy VII?"  
  
"I dunno, it's just rumoured to have magical powers. It's supposed to be really good, anyway, but it won't work either."  
  
"Estuans Interius Ira Vehementi..."  
  
"Have you tried smashing the sterio?"  
  
"Nah, I don't want to. It cost me, like, 500,000 Gil or something. Some guy in Wutai sold it to me during the war. Said there was explosives inside. He was so true. This song is the reason I'm so messed up!"  
  
Red XIII had fallen asleep in a corner, and was having another nightmare. He yelled something, then Barret shook him awake.  
  
"The Hell's wrong with you?! You can't just go screaming things at a time like this! Honestly, Chicken Pies these days..."  
  
"I had another dream."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I had another dream!" repeated Red XIII with a slight tinge of annoyance in his voice.  
  
"I really don't get it."  
  
"Okay, so Death has a path laid out for everyone. We were all meant to die at Costa de Sol, but since I had the vision, I managed to save us all...-"  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa...wait a second here!" interrupted Sephiroth, "so, just because you had some stupid vision, means you get to take credit for saving us all? If I didn't have beer, WE'D ALL BE DEAD RIGHT NOW! HAH!"  
  
"Hey, he has a point you know," said Tifa in agreement.  
  
"Yeah!" added Cloud, "thank the Beer!"  
  
Red and Sephiroth were both left annoyed as they all went partying around his lounge.  
  
"Hey, stay away from my surround sound system you g-" "What are you doing on there? That's brand new!" "Aah, noooo! You just wrecked my new Chocobo beanie cushion...!"  
  
"So anyways, we're all still alive (except Yuffie and Cid) but Death still has us all weaved into it's system, and has come back to get us. Our deaths...are inevitable."  
  
Everyone gasped in horror.  
  
"So, there is no way of surviving?"  
  
"Maybe. Death didn't tell me as such. He did say something about possessing me sometime though. But nothing useful."  
  
"Who will die next?" asked Cloud.  
  
"Aeris," replied Red XIII calmly.  
  
Suddenly, Sephiroth's Murasame fell off the shelf, and through Aeris' face. It was truly a gross sight to see. Everyone stared at Sephiroth.  
  
"Hey, don't look at me!" said Sephiroth. 


End file.
